Each week I’m going to try and do this column. This will be just some random observations that I noticed during the current week of the glorious 2018 NFL football season. There will be 6 observations and an extra point. So you’re essentially getting a touchdown’s worth of football hot takes from me. Enjoy.
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1. It’s official: We’ve established the two worst teams in the NFL and it’s only week 2
That’s right, the Cardinals and Bills are the two worst teams in the NFL. The Arizona Cardinals didn’t make it across midfield against the Rams until the final minute of the game. The Buffalo Bills decided to gut a roster that made the playoffs last season.
I wish these teams played against each other this season so badly.
Additionally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention Vontae Davis retiring in the middle of the Bills game today. This Bills team is so bad that Davis would rather retire and quit on his life’s work than play for them. I’m officially placing the Bills on 0-16 watch.
2. I’m fucking intimidated by Ryan Fitzpatrick right now
Last week I wrote about how a team with a really dumb GM was going to give Ryan Fitzpatrick $20 million per year next season but I’d like to retract that statement after seeing his postgame presser.
Holy shit. He looks like the Harvard version of Conor Mcgregor. In fact, if Fitzmagic could fight Floyd Mayweather he’d actually win, that’s how on fire he is right now. If I’m Jameis Winston I’m not even showing up to the Buccaneers facility after seeing this. His job has been totally and completely cucked.
3. Is Mike Tomlin the most overrated coach of all time?
Yes. The answer is yes. The man has had Ben Roethlisberger, Le’veon Bell (for the most part), and Antonio Brown on his offense for many years and he hasn’t even made a super bowl with all three of those guys on the roster let alone win one.
Le’veon Bell’s hold out is just the latest instance in which it’s shown that Mike Tomlin can’t manage his locker room. His teams are constantly unprepared. He randomly goes for 2 after scoring touchdowns sometimes which is absolutely stupid. His players don’t respect him enough to stay off of facebook live in the locker room when he’s shit-talking their next opponent. Terry Bradshaw hates the guy so much that he won’t even talk about him anymore.
If this man coached for a team that didn’t have the immense talent that his team has or if he coached a team that actually fired their coaches then he would have been gone ages ago.
4. I made a bet with a friend before the season that Christian McCaffrey would have less than 100 catches and I’m 100% gonna lose that bet
Through two games, Christian McCaffrey has 20 catches! He had 14 today. This shows me that any time the Panthers are down in the game they’re just gonna throw the ball to him underneath and let the man go to work.
In order for him to get to 100 catches he only needs to average 5.7 catches per game. For McCaffrey, 5.7 catches in a game is his floor. I researched what the record was for about 5 seconds and I’m pretty sure that Matt Forte has the record at 102 receptions in a single season for a RB. McCaffrey may shatter that.
5. In terms of keeping your job as a head coach, having a lousy kicker may not be a bad thing
Hear me out….if you’re a head coach in the NFL your margin for error is insanely thin. You’re judged by wins and losses. Most coaches don’t last a long time in the NFL. One thing that can extend your life expectancy as a head coach is having a kicker who’s an easy scapegoat.
For example, last season the Chargers missed the playoffs because their kicker blew their first two games. This season, the Browns would be 2-0 if they had a kicker who didn’t completely suck. If the Vikings don’t win the NFC North this season and they lose it by 1 game, it’s because their kicker couldn’t knock in a 35 yard kick to beat the rival Packers.
I’m sure I could think of a million more examples. Do coaches want to win? Absolutely they do. However, it’s nice to have an easy target to blame come contract renewal/firing time.
6. Sorting out the contenders and pretenders of the 2-0 teams
After week 2, there are seven 2-0 teams left in football. They’re the Rams, Buccaneers, Broncos, Chiefs, Dolphins (not a typo), Jaguars, and Bengals. I have decided to tier these teams into three categories: Pretender, Probably for real, Lock in their playoff spot.
Pretender: Bengals, Broncos, Dolphins, Buccaneers
You read that right. Four of the remaining seven 2-0 teams are pretenders. In one sentence per team, I’m going to explain why.
Bengals- Andy Dalton and Marvin Lewis.
Broncos- Case Keenum really isn’t good.
Dolphins: Your quarterback is still Ryan Tannehill.
Buccaneers: I feel like you’re going to mess up and give Jameis his job back.
Next up, we have the Probably for real category. It’s one team. The Kansas City Chiefs. The reason why they’re here instead of the “lock in their playoff spot” category is because of sample size. Mahomes looks great now but I’d like to see how he looks against some better defenses. Deshaun Watson looked as good or better last season and his team is now 0-2 this season and just lost to Blaine Gabbert.
Lastly, you can lock in a playoff spot for the Jaguars and the Rams.
The Jaguars defense is insane. It’s easily the best front seven in football. Blake Bortles looks sharp so far too. This team should also win at least 5 of their division games. They’re already 2-0. Do the math. They’re in.
For the Rams, they’ll clinch their division possibly by week 10. It’s the worst division in football outside of the Rams and they have the talent to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.
Extra Point: It’s up and it’s….
NO GOOD! I missed the extra point because all of the kickers sucked this week.