It’s already week 8 which means that we’re roughly halfway through the NFL season. That fact is pretty depressing but at least we’ve still got some great football ahead of us.
That being said, I’d be remiss if I didn’t give out my midseason NFL Awards to players/teams who were most deserving.
Without further adieu, here are the awards!!
The “Most likely to make you think that they’re gonna do a good job but actually suck” award: Dave Gettleman and Pat Shurmur
Both Dave Gettleman and Pat Shurmur said that they were ready to win now, meaning this season. Well the Giants are 1-7 and both of them suck.
Gettleman signed Nate Solder, who is basically a slightly better version of Ereck Flowers, to a $62 million dollar contract and traded away an all-pro level run stopper for a 5th round pick. Not moving on from Eli Manning also looks like a pretty bad move about now too.
Meanwhile, Pat Shurmur’s system is basically the same as Ben McAdoo’s. The only time they can move the ball through the air is if they’re throwing a 10 yard slant to Odell Beckham Jr. He has Saquon Barkley but barely hands him the ball. It’s just a mess.
Congrats on the award because it’s the only thing that the Giants are gonna win this year.
The “Most likely to screw over fantasy owners everywhere because he’s greedy” award: Le’veon Bell
Raise your hand if you have the same amount of fantasy points as Le’Veon Bell does this year! That’s right, it’s week 8 and Le’veon Bell has ZERO fantasy points.
Listen, I get that wanting to make sure that your family has money for the rest of their lives is important to you but you know what’s more important? Scoring points for the people who play you in fantasy football every week. Those people spend hours of research every year on what guys to draft and by not even showing up, you’re basically spitting on their efforts to beat their friends and become league champions.
The “Most likely to surprise you with how…unique?…. their voice is” award: Pat Mahomes
It’s no secret that Pat Mahomes has become one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. However, what may surprise you is how weird his voice sounds:
He sounds like Kermit the frog with a Texan accent. It’s definitely a unique voice and when I first heard it I was so shocked that I lost all feeling in my left leg for about 10 minutes.
The “Most likely to put you to sleep while watching their games” award: The Tennessee Titans
For those of you who read my articles a lot, you know I like to bash on the Titans for being the most boring team of all time. Well, now they officially have an award for being the most boring team of all time. They’re basically a step away from being a baseball team.
The “Most likely to throw an interception when he plays in a game” award: Case Keenum
The Denver Broncos have played 8 games so far this season and Case Keenum has thrown at least one interception in every single one of them. He’s got 10 interceptions on the season compared to 10 touchdowns. While certain quarterbacks like Nathan Peterman would kill for that ratio, it’s not very good.
The “Most likely to make me laugh when they throw an interception” award: Jameis Winston & Nathan Peterman
I think the greatest blessing of the 2018 NFL season has been getting to watch Nathan Peterman and Jameis Winston play football.
There’s a lot of cruel things in this world but as long as we have Jameis Winston and Nathan Peterman there to entertain us whenever they get into the game then everything will be okay.
City most likely to not have any of their own fans attend their team’s games award: Los Angeles, California
Believe it or not, this is a Rams home game:
The Rams are undefeated and their stadium still gets overrun by opposing fans. Unreal. Meanwhile across town, the Chargers don’t have much better luck when it comes to home fans attending their games:
The Chargers stadium only fits 30,000 fans.It’s pretty sad that they can’t get even that many fans in LA. They probably should have kept that team in San Diego.
The “Most likely to be 5-2 but still irrelevant” award: Washington Redskins
The Redskins are 5-2 but they’re the one team in the NFC (L)East that is never talked about. All the talk is about the Philadelphia Eagles slow start, the Dallas Cowboys being horrible and the New York Giants being the biggest dumpster fire in the league not named the Oakland Raiders.
This is a classic year where the Skins somehow win the NFC East, get the #4 seed and lose the 4:40pm on a Sunday wild card game to a team that’s way better than them.