New York Giants NFL

BREAKING NEWS: We’ve submitted articles of impeachment against Dave Gettleman

Folks, it seems like impeachment is a hot topic in today’s society. I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I understand what impeachment is or what it means, but I’m pretty sure that our government this week proved that it doesn’t really do anything. I’m also pretty sure that this means that you can impeach anyone, for anything, whenever you want to impeach them. It’s like a formal version of cancelling someone.

So I had a brilliant idea, I figured that I’d spent some of my day today drafting up articles of impeachment and doing a formal impeachment of New York Giants General Manager Dave Gettleman. On behalf of New York Giants fans, I hereby impeach General Manager Dave Gettleman for the following crimes against football:

  • Conspiring with GM’s of other teams to make the New York Giants worse
  • Quid pro quo by telling John Mara everything he wanted to hear in order to get hired in the first place (e.g. Letting Eli Manning keep his job in exchange for being hired as the GM)
  • Colluding with Pat Shurmur to put poor war strategies in place
  • Using artificial intelligence to place mirages in games in which the Giants play the Eagles in an effort to distort reality

As you can see, these are very serious crimes that Dave Gettleman has committed against both the Giants, the NFL, and the football community as a whole. I present exhibit A as evidence for reasons why he should be removed from his office immediately.


  • Hiring Pat Shurmur
  • Trying to compete with a roster that went 3-13 the year prior and keeping the 37 year old quarterback of that team
  • Trading draft capital for a lousy player in Alec Ogletree
  • Signing geriatric players like Antoine Bethea and Jonathan Stewart. Then also spending significant money on Patrick, Omameh, Nate Solder, and Kareem Martin in 2018. None of these moves worked out.
  • Not signing Devon Kennard who would be the best Edge player on this team at this moment
  • Not listening to trade offers for the second overall pick in 2018 and then taking a running back 2nd overall instead of trading back and taking a player who plays a more impactful position
  • Not trading players like Landon Collins and Janoris Jenkins when it was clear that they weren’t in the team’s future plans
  • Signing Odell Beckham Jr. to a record contract and then trading him and his contract for a hot dog, a pretzel, and a cinnabon resulting in a huge amount of dead cap
  • Signing Golden Tate, who plays the same exact position as Sterling Shepard, to a four year contract at age 30 on a rebuilding team
  • Hiring Pat Shurmur (this decision was so bad that I had to include it twice)
  • Mismanaging the 2019 draft by taking a redundant player in Dexter Lawrence #17 overall and passing on Edge Rusher Josh Allen at #6 overall
  • Promising to fix the offensive line but investing just two draft picks (one was a seventh rounder) in the offensive line
  • Trading a top 70 draft pick for a player in Leonard Williams who he could have signed for free in March. Leonard Williams also has zero sacks since joining the Giants. This trade also has forced 2018 3rd round pick BJ Hill out of the IDL rotation
  • Giving horrible signing Nate Solder more guaranteed money, making it much more difficult to move on from his contract

As you can easily see, this is evidence proves that Dave Gettleman is unfit for his duty as General Manager of the New York Giants and needs to be removed immediately. By the power vested in me in the 366 Network of Sports, Dave Gettleman has hereby been impeached on this 21st day of December in the year our Lord 2019.

We will be submitting these articles of impeachment via a strongly worded letter written to Mr. Mara in the coming days provided John Mara proves that he’s willing to have a fair, unbiased, and partisan trial of Dave Gettleman. Please stay tuned for more updates at and @Giants366 on twitter.

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