Folks, there’s been a lot of talk about sports resuming and whether or not certain championships, particularly the NHL and the NBA, will have asterisks next to them this year. Since there’s been a lot of buzz about this topic, I’ve decided to create a formula that will help evaluate whether or not certain leagues championships will have asterisks. The formula is very simple and I’ll start with hockey first:
If my team, the Tampa Bay Lightning, wins the Stanley Cup then there is no asterisk next to the Cup. Plain and simple. Each team had an even playing field and played with the same rules and they were ultimately the superior team. My prediction of 2020 being the Year of the Bolt will be true. I will celebrate like a maniac for weeks on end as I’ve waited years to see this team lift the Stanley Cup as I wasn’t a fan of hockey when they won it in 2004.
However, if the Lightning do what they normally do and choke away the playoffs while simultaneously ruining my life then there will be a big, Houston Astros sized asterisk next to the Stanley Cup. Clearly the superior teams in the league like Tampa (or any other high seed) who don’t win this year lost out on home ice which would have made a big difference. If you’re Tampa, how are you going to blow a series clinching home game like we did in 2015 (this one didn’t bite us in the butt), 2016, and 2018 when home ice advantage doesn’t exist? It screams asterisk.
I also must say that I like this spin zone from Nashville Predators defenseman Ryan Ellis on the Stanley Cup. It will most definitely be applied to the formula if Tampa ends up winning it this year.
The NBA’s model for if there’s an asterisk next to it is much simpler: If Lebron James wins the trophy, there’s a big asterisk next to it. If Lebron James loses the trophy, it’s a valid trophy since that’s basically how most of the seasons over the course of the last decade have ended. Plus, out of the three that he has won only one of them was legitimate and not bought by teaming up with two other stars. Lebron James is a lying fraud who supports communism. He deserves to lose every NBA Finals from here on out until the end of time.
I also have a bone to pick with Rajon Rondo who is comparing one of the nicest Disney hotels, the Gran Destino, to the Motel 6. I would literally give a pinky toe to stay at this place for 2 months.
I get that it could seem a bit claustrophobic being stuck in a bubble for 2 months but this is literally the best bubble that you can be stuck in. You’re living in luxury, getting every meal delivered to you, going to the pool, and playing basketball. That sounds like heaven.
If any NBA players would like to trade places with me, please let me know. I’m an intramural basketball legend as the 8th man. I give the hustle minutes. I average about 2 points per game but I always get rebounds and I’m great at distributing the ball. I also will occasionally bank in a three pointer by accident.
Anyways, I can’t wait for sports to be back. Asterisks or not, it’s going to be a fun couple of months.