I try my best to keep a level head when writing my articles. I like to analyze pieces of sports history, or current situations regarding sports or any topic I’ve been given the privilege to write about on this platform. I try to give off a professional vibe when I am writing because I like to emulate the style of writing I like to read. I am not perfect at this, and some would consider me a terrible writer and some would say they can do my job better. My point is, though, that I don’t like going off at the rails. My piece about baseball’s unwritten rules was an exception. And this article will also be an exception to my rule.
Matt Patricia needs to be fired and left at Lambeau Field.
I don’t want to hear this guy get on the Zoom call and talk about how he’s got one of the greatest fourth quarter calls of all time. I don’t want to hear this guy talk about how there’s nothing in his coaching that causes the Detroit Lions to fucking implode in the fourth quarter every time they have the lead. I don’t want to hear the same, NPC-esque talking points he wrote down and memorized back when he was hired. I don’t want to hear the excuses.
This team hired a “defensive guru” after firing Jim Caldwell at the end of the 2017 season. This “defensive guru” hired a puppet DC in Paul Pasqualoni, who’s only real qualification for the job was giving Patricia a break in the coaching industry. And hey, I am not going to knock Patricia for paying back the man who helped him get into coaching, but don’t insult my intelligence. Do you really think I’m going to believe that he was in any way qualified for the defensive coordinator role? Lions fans are infuriating in many respects, but we aren’t stupid.
It’s because we aren’t stupid that it hasn’t gotten past us that the Lions, under a “defensive guru” of a head coach, have had historically bad defenses. I’ve never seen a team so committed to ignoring the pass rush in my entire fucking life. Holy shit. It’s insane to me that we didn’t draft a pass rusher until the third round in this past draft. We drafted D’Andre Swift in the second round much higher than we should have, just to say fuck it and give some of his touches to Adrian Peterson. And I get that this doesn’t fall on Patricia’s shoulders entirely, a lot of this blame falls on general manager Bob Quinn. To be entirely honest, Quinn and Patricia can share a taxi in Green Bay after this game. Leave them both.
But for all of the questionable moves Quinn has made, I’ll give him this: he doesn’t have a God complex. He doesn’t act like his shit doesn’t stink. Yet somehow Matt Patricia had the balls to develop a Tom Brady level ego, like he’s a gift to this organization. How has this gift turned out? Well let’s see: Darius Slay, Damon Harrison, Quandre Diggs, Glover Quin. These are just some of the names Patricia has had a hand in forcing out of Detroit. Slay and Quin are Lions legends, I’ll say that with the utmost confidence. Snacks and Diggs were two of the best players we had at the time too.
If this guy is a gift, I want it returned yesterday.
The Detroit Lions have had leads of 23-6 and 14-3 and somehow found a way to turn those into a 27-23 loss and a 42-21 loss. But hey guys, remember that this team is going to be much different than last year’s and that we shouldn’t worry because IT’S DAGGER TIME? Save me your empty fucking platitudes. Save me your ego-maniacal postgame ramblings about how you have the greatest fourth quarter call in NFL history. I don’t give a fuck that Malcolm Butler made your career my dude. I don’t care that you get your rocks off to people calling you a genius for that. All I care about is this team, right here, and right now. And right now, this “defensive guru” just watched his defense allow 259 RUSHING YARDS and nearly 500 total yards of offense.
In 2017, the Florida Panthers fired head coach Gerard Gallant after an 11-10-1 start to their season. He was unceremoniously fired, being made to fetch his own taxi and pay his own way back home. The Lions should do the same with their head coach. The difference being that Matt Patricia, and honestly Bob Quinn, deserve that fucking treatment. They won’t get it. They’ll be hailed as some godsends who weren’t appreciated here because this team’s ownership has been out of touch since the fucking Korean War.
And for those wanting to pin this all on Matt Stafford, save the idiotic hot takes. By every individual metric, Matt Stafford is, quite literally, the greatest quarterback in Detroit Lions history. In typical Lions fashion, he’s been disrespected his entire career. He hasn’t had a viable running game since Reggie fucking Bush and has only had one above average defense his entire career. But sure, tell me more how our offensive signal caller is responsible for the defense allowing 21 and 34 answered points in consecutive weeks.
I will 100% own up to this too: I wanted Matt Patricia when we were looking for a coach. My final three were him, Winston Moss, and Mike Vrabel. I look like a complete fucking clown right now and I will own up to that 100%. I still thinking firing Jim Caldwell was the right decision, but trying to become the Detroit Belichicks was not the way to go. Anyone with a brain could’ve told you that. I guess that’s what wearing Honolulu Blue blinders will do to you.
To sum up this rambling, potentially incoherent self therapy session, leave Matt Patricia’s egotistical ass at Lambeau Field. Don’t give him a press conference, don’t give him a farewell tour, don’t give him a single word. I don’t want to hear it, and I’m sure a lot of Lions fans don’t want to hear it either. Enough is enough, and it’s been enough for a long fucking time. He can crawl back to New England and leech off the greatest coach of all time again. It’s really all he’s good at.
In typical Lions fashion, however, they won’t. He’ll continue to act like God, show up late to press conferences, get triggered when a reporter doesn’t know when Ford Field was built, etc. Bob Quinn will somehow convince ownership that he’s worthy of another year, and the cycle will repeat. This organization didn’t learn from Matt Millen and probably won’t learn from this either. So, brace yourself Detroit. We’re in for a long, painful stretch ahead.
Hello darkness my old friend…
Photo Credit: Getty Images