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NFL One-Line Recaps (Week 7)

Derrick Henry heard that RBs don't win MVP awards so he is playing QB too.

Week 7 included a national tight end day on Sunday.

Teams scored touchdowns early and often.

Arizona Cardinals: This week they really were just better than the other team, but next week they have Green Bay (insert side eye emoji).

Atlanta Falcons: Is Cordarelle Patterson officially RB1?

Baltimore Ravens: A little bit of an eye opening beat down.

Buffalo Bills: BYE.

Carolina Panthers: The jury has found Sam Darnold: Guilty on one count of being an underdeveloped QB who could not mount any offense against a terrible Giants team.

Chicago Bears: Justin Fields would probably like to plead the FIFTH on all his turnovers (5).

Cincinnati Bengals: No one picked this team to be top of the AFC North but here we are.

Cleveland Browns: I was going to write about Kevin Stefanski and his play calling but D’Ernest Johnson played incredibly good and maybe worth trading for (@NY Giants?).

Dallas Cowboys: BYE.

Denver Broncos: Teddy Two Gloves looked hurt all night and got going just a little too late unfortunately.

Detroit Lions: Pretty fun to see this team come out aggressive immediately to start the game with a crazy screen pass and an onside kick recovery.

Green Bay Packers: Aaron Rodgers almost stepped out of his own end zone and laughed at the other team, that’s how much fun this guy is having (and how bad Washington is).

Houston Texans: Please hurry up and trade Deshaun Watson for LITERALLY ANYTHING at this point.

Indianapolis Colts: Aside from that alien Derrick Henry, Jonathan Taylor is the best rusher this year.

Jacksonville Jaguars: BYE.

Kansas City Chiefs: Analysts are still choosing the Chiefs as their lock picks for winning games and we really don’t know why, they’re falling apart.

Las Vegas Raiders: The AFC West crown solely belongs to this team. What is happening?!

Los Angeles Chargers: BYE.

Los Angeles Rams: The Rams were like a fisherman struggling with a fish on a boat: there was a squirming fight, but we all knew what was going to happen.

Miami Dolphins: Why on Earth would you consider trading Tua if he’s you’re only positive sign of life on the team?

Minnesota Vikings: BYE.

New England Patriots: Mac Jones just looks better and better every week, which will surely make him a lock for rookie player of the year.

New Orleans Saints: Alvin Kamara’s back has to be stupid strong for carrying this team.

New York Giants: With a one handed catch on a trick play, some people started yelling “OhDJ!”

New York Jets: Failed to show up against the Patriots at all.

Philadelphia Eagles: Rumors are swirling about Tua being traded here but I think that would be a mistake given Nick Siriani’s horrific play calling.

Pittsburgh Steelers: BYE.

San Francisco 49ers: Are we calling quits on Jimmy G yet?

Seattle Seahawks: We really tried to watch this game but unfortunately it was another Monday night snoozefest.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: This team will definitely be in the NFC Conference game with the way they have been man handling teams.

Tennessee Titans: Derrick Henry heard that RBs don’t win MVP awards so he is playing QB too.

Washington Football Team: The 3rd quarter of this game was just a roller coaster of emotions for fans (TD reversed, two fumbles, coach challenge, booth review).

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